I Would be a Liar

I Would Be a Liar


My world careens like a car with a cut brakeline.

I swerve along leaning into the curves
all lines have become a gray blur

so close I count the pebbles in the asphalt.
So surreal I have time to think about it
this centrifugal force that keeps me,

In round and around…

I am the master running the top of the wheel;
all out to go no where but not down.

Life has always been different than most;
peculiar, childlike, eccentric,
With the occasional shattered glass entry.

Thoughts… dropping like swat,

as my mind slips… out the back exit
avoiding that which I can not bare

the thought of happened anyway.
I just don’t have it in me to care anymore
or maybe… I just can’t call it forth

without opening the door

It matters, to even, a caged bird…
where the windows are

If they can’t escape they have a view
for vicarious imaginings of
freedoms I can no longer feel.

I would be a liar, to say, “I can’t remember“,

my flights of fancy … days were short
nights were long bated breath dances.

When I remember that… I remember what
I thought would just heal,
invisible and unknown to the naked eye

My snake like apathy of post traumatic,

coiling tightly flesh embedded,
destroying from the inside out.

I must soar rather than suffocate,
rise above falling below…
and find my way back to

being the woman that got beyond it.




Brightfire Woman ©2009